Confession Time

It’s confession time. It’s time I admit that I’m a liar.  A fraud.  A fake.  It’s time I come into the light.

The night this picture was taken, I asked my daughter to pose for a pic by the river.  She shot her finger up, pointing with her power stance to the heavens. She was pointing the way and it impressed me so much, I still feel its power.

When I realized recently that  I’ve been in the dark, I knew there was just one way for me to go, and like Noelle’s inspiring pose, that way is straight up, speeding at a thousand miles an hour, right into the light. So, I’m heading that way right now, blazing through fears, shooting past my phobias, and landing in a bright beautiful new place.  It is place I call honesty, truth, openness, ownership and empowerment. It’s the true place of healing.

What have I been lying about?

I have lied about who I am my entire life, and then been mad that no one understands me.

I’ve played small, then complained about my life being unsatisfying.

I have thrown myself under the bus to try and make others comfortable, then gossiped about their bad behavior to me.

I’ve acted powerless, then been mad at those who pushed me down. They were just showing me how to get up and STAND.

I’ve pretended to know the truth of who I am when the truth was screaming at me,  “You were made for more than this!” Then I’d judge those who lived “mediocre” lives.

I’ve stuffed myself into boxes that limit my life and suffocate me until I had to blame others for “hurting me.”  THAT WAS WRONG.

I judged people. I pointed my finger and accused family and friends of this, that, or the other thing, when the only reason I was being shown it, was to teach me who I am and who I am not.

God was so good to open my eyes and just as He would, I’d slam them shut from the BLINDING LIGHT.  Back and forth from light to dark I’d dance, shifting blame, spinning stories, skipping details.

And then I had a breakthrough. A realization: It’s all me.

downloading.  .  .  .  .  downloading.  .  .  .downloading.  .  .  .  .  .

It’s all me. Yes, all those people and events were unconsciously created by me. That’s how it works! Yes, all of them.

Confession is cleansing. Forgiveness is even more cleansing. I confess I was wrong about you. I forgive myself.  I am set free.

As I see the outer world coming into clarity, it is there to reflect my inner world.  It is my gift to witness. It is my gift to be in the dark, so that as I come into the light, it is more glorious than I imagined.

I bow to the Creator who designed this life so brilliantly and completely.  This journey to enlightenment is rich with wonder.  It takes me deep into humility. It takes me higher into the light.

Blessings on your path to the light,

Carolyn

 

 

 

 

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